We didn’t plan on having two children under 2 years old but it took us 5 years to have our first baby so we assumed that we either wouldn’t be able to have another baby or that it would take a very long time. However that was not the case and it was a bit of a shock to find out that I was pregnant when Ivy was only 9 months old and I had just returned to work! But I can honestly say I wouldn’t have changed anything and although it is hard when they are really small it has so many advantages.
George and Ivy are 18 months apart in age and whilst of course they argue (like all siblings), most of the time they are the best of friends. Being of a similar age means that they are into very similar things (books, TV programmes, activities, music etc) and because of the small age gap it felt like we got through the tough things like potty training and difficult sleep phases in ‘one swoop’.
The biggest tip I can give you is that in the early days and weeks of having two (or more!) little people, it is all about SURVIVAL! Take each day as it comes and celebrate the little wins like leaving the park without a tantrum, getting the baby to sleep in the carrier whilst you play with your toddler or getting everyone to bed without any tears; actually these are probably more like BIG wins and may well be pretty rare!
Leaving the house with Two Small People
I remember feeling really nervous about going out with the two of them on my own for the first time. I’d watch other people doing it and I couldn’t understand how they made it look so easy! But once I got into the swing of it, it was much easier than I thought it would be.
Here are my top tips for going out:
Have everything together before you start to get them ready. Sometimes having them strapped into highchairs, bouncers etc means you can get the buggy all set up and ready to go without worrying about their safety.
Have an organised backpack where it's easy for you to quickly retrieve drinks, snacks and a nappy changing pouch.
Get a double pram. We got a second hand Phil and Teds double pram that meant Ivy could hop in and out of the bottom easily and they could both nap in there at the same time (another benefit of having two so close in age!).
Invest in a good baby sling. The baby bjorn sling meant that playground trips on my own were much easier; I could push Ivy in the swing and help her on the climbing frame whilst George slept on me or was happily entertained by watching Ivy whilst being close to me.
Have plenty of snacks!
How to manage naps
If you have a toddler who still naps, priortise their sleep routines and rhythms over your newborn. Your toddler will most likely be in a predictable nap and bedtime routine, whereas newborns rarely get into any kind of routine until around 4-6 months. Newborns also tend to be able to nap in a carrier or a pram and often only take short naps which makes these easier to manage. Whereas toddlers tend to nap for longer and if they miss a much needed nap or go to bed too late, managing their emotions becomes much harder. If you are needing to navigate both children’s nap times, see my toddler sleep course.
How to manage bedtime
I remember being very anxious about my husband going back to work and how I would manage to get both my 18 month old and my newborn to bed on my own. In the early days and weeks, I used to bathe both of them together (I had George in a bath seat). I would then take George out first, breastfeed him straight away, then get him into his nappy and pyjamas whilst talking to Ivy . Then I’d put George in a bouncer whilst I took Ivy out of the bath, dried her and got her into her pyjamas. I'd then read Ivy a story whilst George was on me or in his bouncer. Then I would sit with Ivy until she fell asleep whilst bouncing or breastfeeding George. I feel exhausted just remembering this time but honestly they were some of my happiest and most exhausting times!.
My top tips for bedtime would be:
Time bedtime around your toddler’s needs as newborns tend to go to bed very late.
Try to keep your toddler’s bedtime routine as similar as possible to pre the arrival of new baby days.
If your toddler needs help falling asleep, find a way of having your baby close by too, either feeding on you or in a bouncer whilst you sit or lie with your toddler.
Push bedtime back a little bit later so that your toddler is super tired. That way, if they need your help to fall asleep, it will be quick.
Lower your expectations!
This phase is about survival. There will be lots of lovely moments and this was honestly one of my happiest phases even though it was most definitely the HARDEST and most exhausting phase.
Having realistic goals can make this phase so much easier, for example just knowing that doing bedtime for two little people on your own is incredibly hard and that for most families, it is impossible to do this without any tears. That doesn’t mean that you need to resort to controlled crying, it just means don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t meet both of their needs at every moment of the day- this is just impossible.
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If you are looking for more help with how to prepare your toddler for the arrival of a sibling, how your toddler’s sleep may change with the arrival of a sibling and/or support with siblings sharing a room, have a look at my toddler sleep course.
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